Click here to get started with the 1 relationship training app! Overthinking is a lose-lose scenario. If you have a negative thought, harping on it will make it seem more important and prevalent than it really is not to mention draining your energy in the process. Getting to the why is what matters. Think back: how long have you struggled with these issues? Can you trace it back to childhood? Asking yourself the tough questions and doing an inventory to determine where these feelings originated will equip you with a lot of information and give you a clearer path forward towards security.
In the previous step, if you discovered that your insecurity is rooted in something deeper, like past trauma or repressed experiences, you owe it to yourself to process those emotions properly. Reach out to a therapist , psychiatrist, or simply find a support group. This is a critical step if you find out that your insecurities run deeper than you originally thought. Take the first step in getting the help you need. Download Relish to get unlimited 1-on-1 coaching with a qualified relationship coach!
When we focus on comparing ourselves or our relationships to others, we open the door to disappointment. But what we can control is our exposure to it! Simply limiting your social media time can go a long way towards achieving this goal.
The best antidote to self-doubt is self-confidence. How do you materialize more of it? One idea is that you can keep a nightly journal where you write down one thing you did you were proud of from the day - and then the next morning, read your last few entries.
What more encouraging way could you think of to start the day? So instead of crossing your fingers for telepathy, open up the lines of communication.
You are a new couple, so texting all day not every day is going to happen. That will probably fade, unless you really like being on your phone all day I do not. Take each day, one at a time. Try to learn to go with the flow of your, and her emotional state, that day. If you think something is bothering her, maybe ask her, but tell her she doesnt have to talk about it if she needs time. Life is a roller coaster for everyone. If you keep putting love first, and sounds like that is exactly what you are doing, you are on the right path.
Follow your heart, and be tough. Good luck. My story started when I was a kid, from being teased to being told your ugly by your own grandmother and went into my teen years of bad realationships to being married to an abusive man. I hate this and I want it to stop!!!! Sincerely women who lovers her hubby. Hey Pauline I found it just as hard as you to get used to my partner getting random txt and worrying where the next threat would come from.
The light bulb moment for me was flipping it around to thinking any amount of people can threaten, but my partner has chosen me and as long as I choose to be the best person I can then hey if we do split up I have done everything I could with no regrets, no wishing I had done things differently. Live every day to be the best person you can! Amazing read, almost like a DIY but the important thing for me and for others, is to use it everyday and not for the sake of instant results.
This is really helpful. Thanks so much. I want to stop feeling so damm insecure all the time. I loved the talk on self-compassion and the critical inner voice! The information contained in this article was exactly what I needed to read. Thank you so so so much! Thank you for making this article. I was bullied by people which caused me to look at myself differently and I used to not care about what I looked like, but I started looking at myself in the mirror everyday and hating what I saw.
I also became obsessed with eating less food and torturing myself just so I could lose a pound or two and feel better about myself, but it never made me truly feel good about myself. Fortunately, I had friends who helped me through it all and thanks to this article my life is slowly being picked up from the ground and being put back together like a broken puzzle. Thank you so so much for publishing this and God bless you all.
Thank you for this article! I now understand where insecurity starts.. I had wonderful loving parents but always felt scared and alone…my father was an alcoholic and I had an emotionally abusive brother. My Mom worked full time trying to keep the family afloat She struggled with depression and anxiety. I felt invisible. I would stay in my room most of the time. I was very shy and introverted. So, this carried over into my adult years. I have always been labled as weak and fragile 8 hate that.
I hope this will help to change my way of thinking. For anyone else out there who is suffering, I think it is time we put an end to thi! God put us on this earth to be happy and to be good to others and ourselves! Peace and Love!! Everything written above here is exactly what happening to me now and before. I will follow the steps and positively wait for the results.
I am 29, Latino and good looking man. But I never had a girlfriend, resings many jobs. Loosing pretties women. I have been dealing with insecurity all my life. My mom was insecure all her life and then transfer it to me. I think my insecurity began when I was in elementary school. Now at 22, they seem to haunt my life completely. I remember when I made a B in the fifth grade— I burst into tears in the class room. However it turned out the teacher made a mistake of my grade sheet.
I remember always comparing my body, i was never pretty enough or skinny enough. Even now I feel the same way. For some reason I feel the need to be perfect. I need the perfect body, perfect grades, face, lifestyle. I spend hours at night reorganizing and color coding my clothes.
When I was in middle school and throughout high school, I would redecorate my room, shifting furniture and painting for hours. Hahaha all of these tendencies stroll exist, but I act them out in lesser degrees. I still reorganize my closet every two months. Some months I still workout obsessively. I do understand my concepts about life are completely unattainable. I find this article very interesting but struggle with the 5-step example you outlined. But other than that I did like the article and it looks like it has some real truth to it.
This is sooo close to the Subconscious Imprinting Technique that we promote. This article is amazing! It includes almost all the possible roots of bad feelings. It helped me a lot! I had really bad childhood. Today, from this valuable article, I understood that I should start to feel compassionate towards myself. This explanation was very helpful.
I understand exactly what you are going through, i am in the same situation, also my partner is in the same situation too. In my case, throughout my adolescent and teen life, and even now in my 20s, my asian ass parents would constantly be reminding me that if you dont go school and get good grades, you will never make money and become successful.
So i thought that to be true, however, i sucked ass at school, grades were okay, but nothing spectacular. And again, i suck at uni, i hated, my GPA is struggling at 2.
Only recently have i decided to live my own life, and do what i want, however, that glimpse of insecurity is still there, making me doubtful whether i am actually good enough to do things.
However, i try not to blame them, im trying to step into their shoes to understand why they are that way. They simply came over to australia for their kids to have a better life, no english, no prospect, they didnt believe in themselves to amount to anything big. This is just one of my insecurities, however, that is the light that i am trying to shine on it.
That is for me to figure out, and something that i will overcome. Reading many of this story, it has really touched me deeply, i really want to create an outlet for the scale, so that people can openly voice their insecurities and begin to overcome the hardships that it brings along.
So that a community can be created to help people shine a light on their insecurity themselves, and begin to take action on their own happiness and fulfillment. I am definitely not an expert, i do not want to give advice, i just want to show people that there are also people out there who are also suffering, and that no one has their shit figured out.
And most importantly, i want to help lift my partner up, she suffer from major insecurities due to her parents who are mentally abusive towards her, which i have been observing, the cause of her lack of self-confidence. I pushed someone who truly loved me away, just because I just could not believe he loved me. And eventually he thought I was not interested in him and he left. But was thinking of ending it again coz I feel unworthy of him.
I needed this very badly. Been holding up my insecurities so long that people can easily let me down. Firstly, I will a big thank you for this words of encouragement. While growing up, discovering the things I love, have always been told that I cannot do better.
That am a failure. Am 23, but I still hear this inner voice telling me I cannot have someone who will love me. Believing I cannot be loved. But after reading this, I believe I can overcome all my fears and insecurities. I want to love my self first and love everyone around. And heal from my past. Im 24 and I still can remember how kids told me that I was ugly. I was at a kindergarden with my brother.
They pull him away from me and told him not to get near to me. I felt so isolated and hating myself. I even got bullied. Damn, it hurts me so much. After a long year I built myself up, those words brings me down. But I have to appreciate myself for who I am. My mother used to curse me alot and my father used to insalt me very heartfeeling words..
Actually he also have insecurities at some point and he was angry at life.. Then he will come back home and load all these things on us.. And then i become introvert, shy and all the negative things.
But thank God i got some good friends and they helped me to feel normal.. I mean no one understand these things unless u go through it. For many years i hated my father and used to have no care for my mom. I thought it is because what they said was right.. Oh thanks so much for this, at some point I hated my self…. You have just saved my relationship. I have had my own fair or should I say unfair share of jealousy, attachment, marital conflicts as a result of my own insecurity.
It took the concerted effort of great friends, amiable husband, family, and great books like the one written by Amy Christine, Overcome Insecurity and Fear in your Relationships. These books helped me to put things in perspective.
I was having a moment of insecurity and decided to find help online, see how other people cope with it. This article helped me. I also suggest people read the book written by Amy Christine titled Overcome Insecurity and Fear in your Relationship. Here the link below where you can find details about this. I wear eye glasses and I look good in them but I feel very vulnerable without them. In my own experience, conflicts arise out of each person trying to fulfill what they believe to be their needs.
Naming those fears and sharing them with your partner can melt the resentment and soften your heart so that you can truly have compassion for the other person. I was feeling so insecure before but after seeing that many people have the same problem as me I can try to improve myself. All I see is perfect families and beautiful people. I am scared of being not accepted by anyone.
I am scared I will be left alone. I am scared. I am teen and I am just loosing a lot of hair and having acne. I lost my self esteem. The most immediate way is that people start to avoid situations that risk revealing their shadow.
This is why public speaking is the number one fear in every single survey that's ever done. It actually ranks higher in people's minds than death. In public speaking, there's no way to control people's perceptions of you, and if the crowd is big enough, there's no way to even know the crowd's perception of you.
It's a place where people automatically reveal their shadows or fear revealing their shadows. It's why people are afraid of it. There can be other areas that you avoid because you feel ashamed of your shadow. It might be going up to someone that you admire or are attracted to: you can't do it because you feel like this ogre living inside of you and you don't want them to see it.
It might be confronting your boss. It might be asking for a raise. It might be a situation where you want to be creative, but you're afraid it's going to be bad—which it probably will be, at least in the first five drafts. You can't get yourself to do it because you can't tolerate the fact that it's bad.
To go back to your original point about a way of being in the world, it sounds like a lot of it has to do with our ability to tolerate uncertainty. Our inability to tolerate uncertainty, and our inability to tolerate disapproval and judgment. That holds people back to such a huge degree. We're so afraid of what people think of us. Again, when you love your shadow and feel that you're in an unbreakable alliance with your shadow, then you can go out there and say and do anything you want.
If someone disapproves of you, "Fine. I respect that. It's fine, but it doesn't change who I am because my identity rests in the relationship with my shadow, rather than in my relationship with some outside person. Why is it that people who are high-achieving and traditionally—and superficially, maybe—successful struggle so much with their shadow?
All of my patients are in the entertainment industry. People go into the entertainment industry with positive motivations, but I'm just going to focus on the negative motivations. They go into it, particularly actors, to court approval and attention. They crave positive attention. I'm not saying every actor I've ever treated craves positive attention, but most of them get into it because of that. The strange thing is that in order for them to be truly successful as an actor, they have to be willing to court disapproval.
Because you can't act for the audience. You have to act in accordance with who the character is. In order to do that, you have to be willing to say, "People might hate this character, and that's fine with me.
In fact, if they hate this character, I've succeeded because this is a bad character. It's a bad person. That guy can't go into that part courting approval.
In the workplace, the roots of insecurity are often found around us, not within us. Insecure people are made, not born. Take the insecure overachiever, a type of person that many firms intentionally recruit and cultivate. Becoming one is an adaptation to a cultural ideal — one that may be personally costly and, for some, professionally harmful.
The research on women and minorities in professional settings, for example, has made it clear that insecurity is much more of a social issue than a psychological one. While women are constitutionally just as confident as men, a cocktail of conflicting messages and personal feedback tinged with bias — be more assertive but less confrontational, be authentic but less emotional — puts them in circumstances that would make anyone second guess themselves.
It is both a response to subtle threats and a way of fitting in, or, more precisely, of acquiescing to the status of misfit. Treating insecurity as a personal issue, then, leaves unquestioned the expectation that creates insecurity in the first place. No wonder the insecure work hard and feel alone. That is all well and good until you realize that, throughout life, we need loving others in order to be healthy, independent people. It is precisely when we lack solid, supportive relationships that we turn inward and become insecure.
Belonging is as fundamental a human need as autonomy. We all have some experience of relationships in which we have freedom, can speak our minds, can be vulnerable, can be seen, all without much fear of jeopardizing the relationship itself. We might even have experience of relationships that make us feel truer to ourselves than we could be alone. What if those relationships were not an exception at work, but the norm?
You guessed the answer: Insecurity would be a momentary state, not a chronic condition.
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